I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
