May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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