Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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