so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
