Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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