Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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