Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
