OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
