She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize