two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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