You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
