well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
