I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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