i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
