her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
