do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
