Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
