well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
