apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Shame - the story of my life.
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