This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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