Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
