Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
