A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
