someone threw a dead crab at me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
