are you so shy because you have an std?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
