I accidentally burped into my bong.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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