Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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