Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
