I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
