I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
