And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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