What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
