that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
