So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
