Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
