To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
