As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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