Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
