Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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