Moan for me like Helen Keller
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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