we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
