I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
