Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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