Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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