You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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