this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
