dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
