then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
