you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
