'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
