Where is the hickey?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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