sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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