R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
