That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
