i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
