Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
