I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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