the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
