I have demons in me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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