White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
