Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
