He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
