I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
