tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
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I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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