i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
