Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
