i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
