the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
