you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
