You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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